Jeff's Place

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A Guy walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons:  “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this crocodile’s mouth and place my manhood inside.  Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.   Then he’ll open his [...]

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.”
“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies.
“There’s a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you [...]

I get a ton of mass “joke” emails.  Every once and a while they are actually pretty funny. This came from my Aunt Jacquie:

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it [...]

Local News:
A truck carrying copies of Roget’s Thesaurus over-turned on the highway. The local newspaper reported that the onlookers were “stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered, and dumfounded.”
A few thoughtful questions:

How did a fool and his money GET together?
How do they get a deer to cross at the yellow road sign?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we [...]

Thanks to  Larry Chatman for sending me this:

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying [...]

God I love this one.  This probably isn’t a child friendly joke so be careful.
“What kind of car?”
“What kind a … a damn penguin car, alright.”
Oh man,  that’s my favorite line.